Once upon a time, I joined you in building a dream house. We knew it would be a long-term project, after all, neither of us had any experience. But I really wanted to be a part of that journey. I remember being so shy. However, I loved what we were doing and creating together. We were slow to advance, but that didn’t matter to me, I knew it would be worth all the hard work and frustrations once we crossed the finish line.
Much more time went by then we could have ever anticipated – about 9 years – yet I never got bored. The years passed and so many different crew members walked in and walked out of the project. I was faithful. I was there. I knew eventually it would all fall into place. There was no reason to be impatient. Moreover, the most important work was in drawing up the blueprint, laying a strong foundation, and making sure all the supports and walls went into the right places.
And then, we started gaining momentum. At last, it seemed that we gathered all the right hearts and souls to finally surge ahead with our goals. It was fun; there was a lot of laughter. But there were a lot of bumps a long the way. Perhaps not everyone really respected your vision. Perhaps some only enjoyed being part of the crew, going a long for the ride and doing all the fun stuff. Perhaps.
You asked for my help in setting the example and I accepted that position. I tried to encourage a strong work ethic, teamwork and sacrifice. But many times you didn’t back me up. Maybe you just didn’t see how much they tried to walk all over me -or worse yet, all over YOU. Maybe you didn’t notice that they were too immature or selfish to care about the impression we left on those who were just waiting for us to screw up. So they goofed around, abused the tools, and stalled us on occasion after occasion. You apologized from time to time, yet you never enforced a set of rules. You promised that things would get better, and I kept the faith.
The neighbors began to get curious about the work we were doing. They cheered us along and quickly, the word began to spread. Before long, the whole town was overcome with expectation. They just knew that there was no other home like the one we were fabricating. No one had ever tried to showcase such excellence before.
Just as the last few nails got hammered into place, the last touch-ups of paint got brushed onto the walls, my heart was broken. Everyone got ready for the victory celebration and headed inside to rejoice in the glory of this beautiful new house. People all over the world were going to appreciate what we had done. The anticipation was breathtaking. We all began to head inside, and you stopped me at the door. I was to go no further. You didn’t think you could count on me in the future – I had too many other responsibilities. You never thought my commitment was sincere. You figured I was just passing time, I was just engaging in a hobby.
You never considered all the hours and work I put in. Maybe it was my error never to really speak up and let you know how passionate I was about participating. But I am shy. I really am not one to let others know of my needs or desires. I knew my contribution wasn’t perfect, but the passion was there. I knew I had a lot of improvements to make, but it couldn’t have been that bad. I received compliments and encouragement from many. Only once, did you turn to me and say “good job, I like what you did”. So is it just that you hated my work?
You never considered my feelings. You never told me that you had no intention of inviting me inside. Like a giant wrecking ball, you swung at me with full force, completely blind-sighting me. You tore a hole through my foundation, exposing all of my vulnerabilities. I felt all of my hopes and dreams come crashing down around me. And the shame, the shame was immense.
Do you know how ridiculous I felt when the party began and all the crowd was staring at me and wondering why I remained out on the street? Do you know how difficult it was for me not to scream and cry out and ask you WHY did you do this to me? You were supposed to be my friend. You will never understand the emotional toll I go through each time everyone asks me why I walked out on the project. Do you know how ridiculous I felt when the party began and all the crowd was staring at me and wondering why I remained out on the street? Do you know how difficult it was for me not to scream and cry out and ask you WHY did you do this to me? You were supposed to be my friend. You will never understand the emotional toll I go through each time everyone asks me why I walked out on the project.
And when I had the opportunity to speak to you in private, your response was “this is business”. You needed to be able to count on me to be there. Well, hadn’t I been…FOR YEARS? Hadn’t I been the one to never sass you or make your work even harder? Hadn’t I been the one to give up doing so many other things while others called in sick or just simply lied about the reason they couldn’t show up. I never yelled at you, or disrespected you; I never had a temper-tantrum and made everyone stop what they were doing. If I sound angry….I AM!!!
You discounted me as if I never mattered, as if I never had anything to do with any of the progress you made. Not even a thank you. I am so damn confused and your explanation only confuses me more. We had so many conversations about future plans – you always made me think I was a part of them. That, I DID NOT imagine. And sure, in the end you gave me an invitation to come in…but now I only feel like an outsider. You have hurt me more than you will ever know.
But I’ll live. I hope your work is appreciated around the world. I hope you achieve your dream. I truly wish you the best. But next time, consult with someone before you allow them to partake in such a great task with you. Be more honest. That way, you won’t hurt a friend.
So quietly, I retreat. Perhaps I will seek out my own crew and construct the house of my dreams. I know that you will do wonderful things. I remain faithful in that. Thank you for allowing me to have tagged along up to now.
Good luck and God Bless You on the remainder of your journey. I will continue to admire and support you from a distance, my friend.
